Why It’s So Hard to Leave a Job (Even the Ones We Secretly Hate)

Most of us have experienced a moment where we've struggled to move forward. We may have detected that something vital had shifted. Yet, we hang on to a role (or a freelance gig or a team membership) that doesn’t really suit us.

In many cases, the signals to explore alternatives are completely missed or ignored. Often overwritten by our dismissive inner monologue. This is troublesome. In fact, the situation could become damaging.

But we remain.

Long after it is time to say goodbye.

After years of hearing stories of jobs that do not fit (and even worse bosses), I now hold a strong view that career moves are an inevitable occurrence for all of us. In fact, they are necessary.

Not unlike the coming of the sunrise or sunset, we can count on these changes. If we could somehow learn to accept these inflection points as something new and positive — not unlike technology, for example — we might learn strategies to capitalize on the temporary destabilization. (Of course, life, family and finances must be considered carefully. I don't advocate impulsive actions that leave you in dire straits.)

The payoff can be well worth the journey; an endpoint that is adaptive, aligned and affirming. Ultimately, when we summon the energy to move on and seek a better fit it is often for the best. A delay can become costly in a currency that we rarely consider. These are transitions — not sentences after all. If we can accept changes in styles, markets and devices, why is it so difficult to embrace the evolution of our own careers?

There are beliefs that convince us to acquiesce our power and stay put. I’d like to challenge a few of these in this forum.

1. We are subtlety conditioned to “hang on” and forgo risk. Yes, a miraculous "in place" improvement is possible (a manager might move on, for example). However, in many cases, forgoing risk in the short-term is a hand ill-played. This is what we fail to acknowledge: In many cases, the psychological contract which serves as the baseline for a healthy employee-employer relationship, has already been irrevocably broken. When we fail to recognize this and remain, we ultimately risk being physically present at work, yet mentally absent.
2. We secretly hope that everything in our lives (including ourselves) will remain static. Of course, this predisposes us to be unhappily surprised at each and every turn, as change will arrive. To complicate things further, we are notoriously inaccurate about how we personally evolve over time. How often do we stop to envision our “future self”? Truth: The roles that fulfill us now, may not be the same roles that might excite us five years on. As Daniel Gilbert has shared: Your history does not end today.
3. We feel that seeking a role which better aligns with our needs/strengths is frivolous. Don’t get me started. On some level, many of us think this quest is a “pie in the sky” mantra. So, we avoid the entire conversation. With that neglect, we also leave any hope of a better option even in our current organization. (Yes, we have to be mindful of our responsibilities. Yes, the culture of an organization can also stand in the way.) When we are early in our career for example, we might feel that we are glued to our college major or the path of our first role. We feel a pivot is irresponsible. Ultimately, much is left unsaid and undone. As the gap widens between who we are and what we do — everyone loses.

We should be ready and willing to embrace how we change. Moreover, organizations should encourage and facilitate its exploration. This can be accomplished through heightened awareness.

If we do not prepare, I fear we will not be ready for what inevitably arrives.